Liar Liar
by aylarouge
Summary: Sam doesn't feel right with Jess so he takes the time to figure out why. What he realizes might just break him. Sequel but could be read as a stand alone to Goodbye My Lover


**Title:** Liar Liar

**Rating: **pg-13

**Characters: **Dean, Jessica, Sam

**Genres: **Angst, Established Relationship

**Warnings: **Sam/Female character

**Summary: **Sam doesn't feel right with Jess so he takes the time to figure out why. What he realizes might just break him. Sequel (but could be read as a stand alone) to _Goodbye My Lover_

**Word count:** 970

**Author's Notes:** This is for DerangedxandxSarcastic who not only review and added my Harry/Draco story '_Do you love me, Harry?_ ', being the first to review and add my Wincest story _'Goodbye My Lover' _to her favorites, she is also the first person to add me onto her author alert. So for that (and her lovely reviews) this sequel to _Goodbye My Lover_ is for her. Thank you Deranged ^^

And thank you to my beta reader biggelois for editing this for me. Enjoy everyone and remember, Reviews=Life!

**SPN**

Sam rolled away from the warm body next to him and sighed. No matter what he did, it never felt right. Here with Jess, going to college, living the life he'd always dreamt about, but none of it felt right and Sam sometimes hated it. This was what he wanted, why he left his family. Ever since Sam was thirteen and talked to that teacher, he wanted to be normal. But now something was still missing. Sam felt empty and alone, which was stupid because Jessica was right there beside him, her back pushed up against his. With another sigh Sam pushed himself up and swung his legs out of the covers. He wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight so getting up was a good enough plan. Anything was better than lying in bed awake all night.

Walking to the kitchen Sam decided that tonight was the time he'd figure out why everything felt wrong. Making coffee for himself, Sam eyes unfocused when a thought came to him. Was _Jess_ the problem? What if she wasn't the one for him? _No, it can't be. I love Jess….right?_ Sam thought to himself.

And he did, Jess was great to him. Never asking about before she knew him, never saying anything about the salt around the windows and the iron rod beside the bed. She made him laugh and she made him feel normal. With her, Sam was getting a chance at his dream, or at least that was how he wanted it to be.

But something _**was not right.**_ He was holding back from Jess, never giving as much as she was and never taking all that was offered. Why? What was keeping him back? He told her as much about himself as he could without sounding crazy and he did love her. But….maybe it wasn't what he thought it was? Maybe what he felt wasn't love but only friendship? She was, after all, his first friend since Dean.

_Dean…could that be it?_ Sam picked up his mug and took a sip. Could that be what was holding him back? Sam did love his brother. Loved him differently then how Richie loved his sister or Rachel her brother. It was deeper then anything Sam saw in other siblings. Dean was Sam's best friend and his first….everything.

When Sam first came to college Dean was on his mind all the time. He didn't want to leave his big brother. Sam had wanted Dean to come with him but he knew Dean would never leave the hunt. Not until it killed him, so Sam left Dean behind. Getting on that bus and knowing Dean was watching him go was harder than anything else Sam had ever done. Even harder than walking into Dean's room when he was sixteen and kissing the older boy, because Dean had been so much to Sam. Every good memory Sam had, had Dean it in. Ever good thing Sam had ever gotten was because Dean got it for him.

Leaving for collage meant leaving Dean and Sam didn't know if he could do it until he finally did. And when he got to Stanford, Sam found himself feeling more out of place than he did at any other school he'd been too. The only thing that kept him there and not running but to Dean was the argument that Sam and John had, the words his father said before Sam left. But Dean was still there in his mind, always reminding Sam of what they once had. Even when he first met Jess, and then all his other friends, Dean was always still there.

_So it is Dean,_ Sam took another sip of his coffee and frowned. So how was he going to fix this? He wouldn't forget Dean, he never could. Dean was too big of a thing to forget like that. And besides, no matter what they both had done, Sam was never ashamed. He loved his brother so much that it pushed him to take that last step towards sex. And if he was honest with himself; he still loved Dean that much.

Sam groaned and buried his head in his hands; he couldn't still want Dean. He had tried so hard not to. _No, oh no, no, no._ He couldn't still want Dean. He could love his brother, but he couldn't still want him. That wasn't allowed now. Not when his dream was right here for the taking. Closing his eyes, Sam took a deep breathe. He would not lose Jess just because he still wanted Dean. Jess was everything he had ever wanted and to give her up was to give up his dream. And even if he let her go, Sam couldn't go back to Dean. Not after leaving him without explaining why he was going. Dean would be with John, would never leave their dad, and God only knew how much Sam couldn't be the soldier John wanted.

So he if wasn't going to leave Jess and he couldn't stop loving Dean, then what? How was he going to fix this? Sam's shoulders slouched and his head fell forward when the thought that there was nothing he could do hit him. Nothing would stop him from loving Dean and nothing could make what he had with Jess right so Sam had to leave this relationship as was.

Sighing for the last time Sam emptied out his cold coffee and walked back to the bedroom. He would just have to grin and bear this. _Anything for his dream._ That was what he tried to tell himself, but not even his own voice could make the words ring true.


End file.
